he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
