She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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