you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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