I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
