If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
