walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
