Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
