i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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