Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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