He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize