The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
