He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
