Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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