the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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