people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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