i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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