she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
