Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
