Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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