awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
