So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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