yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
