Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
