Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
where does the pee come out of this thing
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
