I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
