i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
