Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I intend to get homeless drunk
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
