So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
