I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
