i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
