I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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