My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
