So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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