Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
