She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
