i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
