You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
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