I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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