she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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