Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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