I cut my penus on the lid.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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