I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
