Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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