It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My friends, they love my intelligence
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
