Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
