You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
