At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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