it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
