my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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