nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
