i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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