Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm sobbing to NWA
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
